We know, of course, that the sitra achra opposes everything we do to grow in kedusha, but recently, I got a big glimpse of it. Here's what happened...
While I was in Eretz Yisroel for Pesach (a glorious time, by the way, Baruch Hashem), I got a website contact form from someone who wanted more than 1000 Kavanah Kards, Mindful Mitzvahs Pamphlets and Kavana of Mitzvohs cards in English and Hebrew. He wrote that he runs the Pirchei there and that his wife is starting a wonderful new project in their shul for mothers and daughters.
I was thrilled, of course, at the opportunity to help someone who would be bringing so many people closer to Hashem! I emailed him back that I was excited to send them when I returned to NY after Pesach.
Last week, before Shabbos, I received a follow-up email--had I had a chance to send them out?
Enough jet lag. It was time.
I emailed him that I would take care of it that day, b'li neder then looked in my email for the original Contact Form for the list of what he requested and address to send them to.
I searched for "Pirchei", "Pennsylvania", everything I could think of.
Then I looked in the email trash, thinking perhaps I had inadvertently pushed some sort of link that sucked it out of my inbox.
I searched in the computer file where I keep notes on every request.
I checked my text messages. Nothing...
Looked in another email account inbox & trash. Nothing...
I sent him an email apologizing, explaining the mysterious disappearance of his contact form and requesting that he please resend it so I could put the package together.
Two days with nothing, nothing, NOTHING.
Then I started getting worried. Was I hallucinating? Losing my memory? My mind?
I even started to imagine that maybe it was a prank..
None of that helped, of course.
Finally I gave it over to the Boss with emunah and bitachon (Hashem is having this happen for a reason), hakores hatov (Thank-You, Hashem for the opportunity to have emunah & bitachon), kavei el Hashem (Hashem, I really want to do this mitzvah, but I can only do it with your help)
Suddenly, "I got an idea" (thank-you Hashem): maybe it's somewhere on the website. But where? I do all the design and maintenance now, but didn't know how to find where that information was stored.
I finally gave credit to the sitra achra for doing such a superb job and showing me, once again, how big a threat Mindful Mitzvahs and Kavanah Kards are to his "job" of separating people from kedusha.
Suddenly, there it was tucked away in a link I don't know if I can even find again.
Immediately I copied the needed information, put together the package and took it to the post office with a ride from a friend (my car had a dead battery from an energy drain--encore from the sitra achra?).
Fifteen pounds of closeness to Hashem on it's way, at last!
What a lesson on how much the sitra achra can interfere with our positive intentions.